A furry, developer, encryption, operating system and everything else
35431 words

Day 48/365 or Day 6/28 for Singing Phoenix

What I accomplished today

  • Consolidated items to digital [120]

    • Finished digitizing Self Care Basics [20]
    • Finished digitizing Self care benifits [94]
      Discussed alignment and furthermore put forth the ACME Life GPS model which utlizes a tri system to allow you to maintain your course in life.
      This is probably one of the biggest things in the course that I'm really proud of. The content was synthesized from over many sources and from my mind.
      The frustrating thing it that it hinges on alot of other concepts that aren't directly relavent but helps knowing. I'm considering adding a free course for teaching alignment? Or just reengineer the course again?

      If I reengineer the course it'll be after I've added the rough presentation for all the sections and then scan and do a dependency resolution. This will allow me to see parts that I'm missing that I should teach and if only a few parts need a specific dependency consider removing or revamping to a more general dependency. Overall this course should take 2 months or 1 month to complete. I'm trying to create the suitable environment for deep work to occur. I could just teach deep work (which is a 10 minute lesson really) but that's like telling someone how to water an already existing plant. What if they don't have a plant? Or may be they have a plant but they want to get rid of it. Perhaps they don't even have a garden bed, or know the first things about plants. My goal is to teach them about plants, show them how to make their garden bed, weed it, remove unwanted plants and water the plant they do want. At the end of the course, they'll understand Deep work, but unlike cheap courses, I'm teaching the general theory about plants so they can go and create and grow any plant they want or tweak the plant. Maybe I was teaching them how to grow a cactus, while they like cactus's they really want a Venus Flytrap. They can do that, not only can they do that, they'll be confident and know the entire mechanics of nurturing that new plant. What they don't know they'll be able to learn.

    • Working on digitizing Overindulgence [6]

Singing Phoenix

  • Pratice tuning a virtual guitar
  • Praticed with pitch comparison between different instruments (this is harder than it sounds because you're training your ear to ignore the timber and focus just on the pitch)
  • Trumpet and Piano are difficult to tell apart for me at 60 cent pitch difference for which one is higher.

Real vs Fake Timesavers

What are real timesavers and what are fake timesavers?

Real time savers are items that will actually save you time in a way that you can actually go and do something else.

For example the Instapot is a real time saver because you can cook things in less time or skip certain steps that you would need to do otherwise.

However things such as remote door unlockers aren't real time savers, you spend just as much time pressing the button on the app and logging into your account, compared to sticking the key in the lock and unlocking.

The above example is quite harmless, however there are things that are supposed to be time savers that turn out to be time sucker.

Installing almost any software or setting up synchroization usually takes alot more than the 5 minutes and you often wonder if it's even worth the ongoing hassle of that software mysteriously not syncing and troubleshooting.

Real time savers are designed to be simple and not accost you with a "here's what new since you last used me 3 months ago". They understand you want to use the system and get out of there. Fake time savers suck your time and often try and get you to stick around longer or attempt to show you a "better" way to use the app or whatever.

So next time you see something that's going to save you time, ask is it really?

Day 47/365 or Day 5/28 for Singing Phoenix

What I accomplished today

  • Writing Deep Work Goals [30]
  • Writing Praticing Deep Work with Self Care and Goal [30]
  • Converting to wiki format [60]
    • Got What is Shallow work digitized AND simplified
    • Got What is deep work digitized
    • First deep work session digitized This is something I'm really proud of. I'm having them jump in REALLY fast. I find jumping into the water is the fastest way to learn. Imagine you spent 30 days learning the theory of swimming and then swam? You probably would do well enough, but if you were teaching theory AS you were swimming you would absorb the theory better and at the end of the 30 days you'd be able to swim alot better than if you took the first approach to teaching.
      • Self Care 1 digitized

# Singing Phoenix
I keep improving. The really cool thing was that I ended up singing outside of pratice almost continously. It adds an entirly new dimension to a song. When I really get into it, the song has complete control over my emotions, it's cool. It's like watching a symphony where the artist is the directory for your emotions. Furthermore, I swear that my dopamine spikes but maybe that's a placebo?

I'm having trouble with the A and some the # or flats.

# Deep Work Article I wrote and didn't manage to get published

Deep work is a consistent use of long uninterrrupted blocks of time to increasing ones knowledge or skill in specific area.

Advocates of deep work say that you will be more valuable because of a deeper understanding and rarer skill set.

While this is true, most jobs are not setup around deep work philosophies, including jobs that require the philosophy to work.

The biggest issues (which all other issues can be reduced to) are:

  • Extreme concentration
  • Depth of knowledge instead of breadth
  • Reduced mindless internet usage

Jobs are filled with commitments and distractions, often leaving your day like a bag of trailmix with a few fires sprinkled in.

Making long uninterrupted times seem almost impossible. To make it even worse, often jobs require you to have a "open door policy" meaning you will be interrupted at other inopportune times.

Very easy to just say "fuck it" and stop bothering to try and work uninterrupted for any stretch of time.

However there are a few solutions you can try:

1) Look for a few 40 minute blocks and guard them like you would that cute puppy from harm.

If you can find a few 40 minute block of uninterrupted time, that gives you 5 minutes to get into working deeply, 30 minutes in hard work and then 5 minutes to reenter the workplace. This 40 minutes will probably become your favourite parts of the day because the time goes by so much guicker.

Once you get 40 minutes begin carving out a few minutes before and after until you have a full 70 minutes. This is because after you exit a period of intention concentration, you'll need to have 10 minutes to just give your mind time to reexpand.

2) Try and schedule all upcoming commitments to your dead zones when possible.

Dead zones are the times of your day where time is dragging on and there is really no chance to do anything productive. Often ends of days or approaching lunchtimes are deadzones. Other deadzones are before or after another meeting (especially when meeting have less than 20 minutes between them).

3) Stage your breaks at different times to everyone elses.

This should hopefully give you time to do some deeper work without as many (or hopefully no) interruptions!

Because we don't have to remove these distractions or obligations in their entirety, we can try and limit the damage they do to our work.

Depth instead of breadth

Deep work gives up breadth of knoweldge for depth. Often you feel stupid or behind the times if you do not know the latest whatever or some political news. You do not want to feel that.

Deep work involves trading those small tidbits of information for this massive hunk of solid and sturdy information.

You won't be the local wikipedia, but you will be more secure because you took the time to develop knowledge in depth instead of breadth.

Reduce mindless internet during work

The internet allows you to feel like your the smartest, funniest or kindest person alive or the exact opposite. It encourages mindless browsing, discontent and to get worked up over things that are outside your control.

The internet is designed to be a safe haven from thinking, therefore by definition of deep work you should not use it when you want to work well.

What you do when you do use the internet is just as important as how often you use the internet. Your mental diet is just as important as physical diet. If you wouldn't eat junk food all the time, why would you feed yourself mental junk food?

People who eat junk food all the time feel much worse than people who eat healthy a large portion of time. Therefore it makes sense that a similar relationship holds regarding your internet diet.

Thinking and grappling with ideas is what makes deep work.
Most days you're lucky to get in 4 hours of work. So spend one of those hours that would be spent chatting or waiting for time to pass on something that you really would like to do. For example instead of spending 30 3 minute segments of browsing company slack. Give yourself 9 10 minute segments to do something that would be more meaningful to yourself.

You're still doing your work but you're batching your non working time in bigger batches so you can relax and enjoy yourself more. This is a win-win situation. You are spending longer units of time working (which means you're able to output more than someone who is working the same unit of time but in multiple pieces). You are giving yourself a clear mental recharge which means you'll be able to work overall more of your eight hours and with a sustained higher quality.

Deep work is important as since we are not presented with the optimal environment, we must do our part to create such an environment. You've learned the three biggest issues regarding deep work along with some possible solutions.

More importantly, you've learned to think creatively and hopefully have a new view on deep work.

Day 46/365 or Day 4/28 for Singing Phoenix Game or Session 0/12 for Project Whitefang

What I accomplished today

  • Continuing to build computer(4/5) [60]
    My current setup doesn't support proper video recording with the audio and video getting out of sync. That's not good since I'm planning on delivering video lectures!
    Graphic cards have doubled and sometimes even trippled prices which is just WOW. That means I have to go with a really low end graphics card until later.

  • Replanning rest of sprint [8]
    Computer upgrade wasn't something that I was planning to do during the launch of Sapphire Pack. However due to earlier project management experience, I added enough slack for the "unknown emergencies". So in reality I'm exactly where I need to be:

    My "resynchronization" is designed to be gentle enough that I'll not end up losing quality for the items that I must pass faster over.
    30 minutes (today) Deep work with Self Care
    15 minutes (today) Designing Deep work with Failure
    30 minutes (tomorrow) Designing Deep work with Goal
    30 minutes (tomorrow) 1 hour practice with deep work using self care and goal
    60 minutes (tomorrow) Convert to digital as much of notes as possible.

    • Converting to Wiki [7] Right now I'm outpacing my paper creation with the ability to convert to digital.
    • Deep work with Self Care [30]
    • Deep work with deliberate failure [15]

# Project Whitefang
Whitefang, a friend that I have the honour to know, has and currently is in longterm distress with constant abuse of various kinds. It's not my story to share, it's not even mine to solve, but as someone who has had similar issues, I can't stand by idly and do completely nothing. However, I can't overextend myself because I'll exhaust myself like I have for the last 4 years. What I must do is something that makes me feel like I did a best effort without burdening myself. Hence a fixed time commitment, fixed frequency and fixed operational parameters. My goal is to just do a S&L (Search and Learn) mission.

Here's what is good:
1) Whitefang is in a safe place for at least the next 3 months, that gives me a 90ish day timeframe to work with which is good.
2) The world is made up of mostly good people.
3) Breaking one's own codes are sometimes worth it.
I don't do social media, but the quickest way to do a comprehensive search and learn mission is to go to Facebook, Twitter, IG and speak to groups that routinely support or attempt to support people like Whitefang. So I'm going to be social media active for the next 90 days.
4) I can put in 12 * 30 minute S&L sessions, one every sunday for the next 12 sundays.

This is something that I'm happy with, I'm not overextending myself and not trying to solve someone elses problem but I'm providing information that they might not have to avoid returning to their abusive environment.

Day 45/365 or Day 3/28 for Singing Phoenix Game

What I accomplished today

  • Researching Deep Work and Self Care [60] Took almost 50 minutes to find the first finding
  • Continuing to research new computer 2/5 and 3/5[60] I've settled on the specs, I need to somehow drop an item down since I'm over budget.... This is frustrating because I found a collection of hardware that should fit me for the next several years but unfortunatly I'm going to have to compromise more. # Singing Phoenix Game I just couldn't hold a tune today, that was really rough. However I'm in it for the next 25 days so I'm not particularly worried.

@Branches on Not Existing Anymore

Not existing anymore, that's a scary thought. It's reallly hard to imagine not existing, people and places continuing to exist after you have died.

That you actually have an end to your life, like really actually comprehend that. That makes we want to do everything but at the same time, stop and stop trying to do what makes others happy and just do what makes me happy. Except there is a problem because what makes me happy is helping to make other people happy and spending time with other happy and complex individuals.

The logical part of me, the terminal self feels at ease, but only at the surface, deep down the terminal and the primal systems fear death. Not because death itself is scary but rather the absense of actually existing. No not being unconscious but not existing at all. Ceasing to exist. This is scary because I want to be around, I want to experience life, sensations and emotions. I want to continue existing as this chemical bag, injesting other chemicals, transfering vibration thru the air to other chemical bags and just experience. I don't need to experience everything, even experiencing things like the anxiety that I've been having for the afternoon and evening feels nice on some level. It means that I'm tuned in, I'm alive and that for this moment I continue to get the gift of life.

Now if this was a regular tumblr or other blog, this would be the moment that I tell you I know exactly what I'm doing with my life. How I'm going to dedicate the next 1,3, 10 and whatever years. You ask me 4 months ago and I would have told you I had it all figured out. I believe even a month ago I would have told you I have it all figured out. Now? I don't know. That used to really really really scare me. I used to have anxiety and extreme fear that I hadn't planned out my life to the last minute to my last inhalation.

Now I look and realize that I have a plan for what I want to do for the next 320 days. At which point I'll figure out what I next want to do. It's alright not to have a 1, 3 or 5 year plan. It really is.

I know what I don't want to do and I think that's a beautiful as knowing what you do what to do. I know that I don't want to program after I'm done work. I've spent 4 years of my life trying to learn everything, believing that if I just learned X or I just knew Y a bit earlier than everyone else that I would really be happy. I was chasing the wrong goal, the goal that many of us still chase, believing that if you work hard enough everything will just work out. You'll be happy, you'll know what you want... None of that is true for most of us, we have to work hard at being happy, work hard at figuring out what you want and accept that you may not be the top in everything. Previously I believed I wanted to be a world renouned programmer, now I don't. I want to be loved and cared for by a few and give love and care to a few. Programming is a skill that I am good at to achieve that goal in terms of financial money.

That's why I'm pushing Operating FeralRR back by at least a month. I'm replacing what I was going to do in March with Winterwolf Love.

Overall my answer to @Branches on Not Existing Anymore is this:

I am scared about non existence but now that I know that I will cease to exist and eventually cease to even exist in memory, I want my time that I do exist focused on those that matter most to me. These are living creatures, I will train the silicon creatures but my goal is to develop and spend as much of my time with the living creatures in my life that I call friends and family.

Day 44/365 or Day 2/28 for Singing Phoenix Game

What I accomplished today

  • Consolidating to digital version "Setup your goal" [30]
    Taking alot longer than expected because I ended up diving into more specifics regarding SMART and realistic example.
  • Writing paper version for "Importance of rewards" [33] Took three separate concepts and collapsed into a single presentation. I want my information and research to be concise and not just a pure data dump of what I found.
  • First glance at creating computer [52] This is upsetting, my current system is unable to handle even basic video recording. I was noticing that it was giving errors and as I adjusted the settings downwards to 20FPS and alot of other settings, the failure stayed with me. Hopefully the new system will allow the microphone and camera will sync up without a problem.
  • Converting paper notes to digital [5]

Singing Phoenix

My tune is noticeably improved. I'm still wandering but it can tell that I'm noticeably improving.

Self destructive behaviours

It's quite easy to spot in others but often we rationalize away our own destructive behaviours. Why do we do these self destructive behaviour or attempt to do them? I don't know all the reasons, I know that a very common reason boils down to lack of self worth at some level. Perhaps the belief of something that happened maybe even decades ago as proof that you're unlovable or just a phoney.

There are a few ways to address this:

1) Talk directly to the person that your self destructive behaviour is impacting and try and explain to them what you're struggling with. Often opening up can provide a massive amount of benefit and strength to begin to remove that self destructive habit from your life.

2) Run thru a trueth and lies script. These are insanely simple but effective scripts. Designed to be used with very simple words and often directly targeting emotional worries or emotional fears. That is these fears are not valid.

Here are some example's of trueth and lies:

(Basic) Version
I am not worth this friendship.
I shouldn't even try.
They'll leave me in the end.
I can't be hurt again.

I am worthy of having this friendship.
I should continue trying.
If they do leave you it'll be because of a mutal understanding.
Being a friend means risking being hurt but also feeling incredibly good and connected.

(Advanced) Version

I don't deserve to feel connected

I do deserve to feel connected.
I am worthy of being connected.
There is nothing that can not make me worhty of the right to feel connected.

I am not worth this friendship.

I am worth this friendship.
Having friends is something that I am always worthy of.
I don't have to be perfect,
It's alright to be scared.

Now this may seem odd or like the lie and the trueth are speaking to oblique things. That's alright, as long as you're properly addressing the lie within you with trueth, you are doing the right thing.

The basic version is where you bundle basically a lying thought into a single bundle and the counteract it with the trueth.

The more advanced version is where you bundle each part of the lie into their own bundle and counteract each one with the trueth.

This isn't something that you can expect to see immediate results but what you're doing is laying down an automatic counter response. For example, I have a fear that I'm unlovable but since I've been doing this for years, immediatly my trueth script runs:

"I am lovable
I am lovable times a million
My parents will love me no matter what
My friends will love me no matter what
I deserve to feel love"

Now what self destructive behaviour will you address?

Day 43/365

Discuss major transformations, what mistakes I made the first time and what critical mistakes I made the second time.>

What I accomplished today

  • Finishing up the presentation (first draft) of Self Care Techniques and Regularity [42]
  • Consolidate and write about module 3 as single presentation [18]
  • Consolidate and write aboutr module 4 as a single presentation [40]
  • Consolidating Why you need a goal to digital [20]

Singing Phoenix Game

C is hardest note for me to sing currently
It’s thirsty work, you get dehydrated sining
My throat is raw.
Don’t do an hour of singing

Ephemeral Fox

So it's out there now, I was a porn addict. I was using porn to inappropropriately manage my emotions. Is porn inheretly bad? No but the high speed stuff is much more damaging than the static images you would have gotten in Play Boy magazine 30 years ago.

Furthermore, I just like many other young people had no idea about the downsides, the dark side to the internet porn consumption. It lead to at least a few but very significant shifts in people who consume it:

1) They tended to shift to only be able to get off using internet porn.
2) Their kinks may expand or deviate towards things that they normally wouldn't be interested in ever such as increased physical or verbal abuse
3) Lack of real interest in people they would normally be interested.
4) Inability to manage own emotions (either positively or negative).

I've reclaimed who I am twice, the first time I made a critical mistake that I want to dicuss here because it ended up costing me almost 10 months of dignity and self respect.

1) The first time I recovered, I believed at the time that I had made a fully recovery (or as much of a recovery that any addict can make). However I was missing a critical piece that I only learned about recently. I had attempted to forcefully shutdown my sexuality. This worked for about 1 year and 10 months but then the old habits began to slip back in.

2) The second recovery began in earnest after I really stopped believing I was a victim. Unfortunatly it would have probably ended in the same way had it not been a series of individual changes including being less busy, spending more time with friends and having difficult conversations with them. Now I believe I'm set, scrap that, I know I'm set. I'm respecting who I am, I'm not trying to lock away some part of myself because it was bad. No we made a mistake, a really bad one, however every time that I relapsed, was a moment that I was trading immediate gradification for a little bit of self control.

These feel like nothing, but after even a few months, you may begin being worried that someone will find out. That's the scariest feeling. If you're a modern person you'll likely feel that something is wrong with how agreessvie and overall hateful it often is. That isn't real love, that's fear and hatred. Two very powerful emotions that for the most part shouldn't be mixed into sex. Sex is about love, caring and compassion. Yes during that sex you may be turned on by being scared of your partner but that's them being fear to provide a wonderful experience. Fear backed by hatred is completely different than fear backed by love.

There is some really cutting edge research and overall unanminaty regarding porn's harmful effects. However just like the tobacco industry, porn is hiding behind deception, lies and confusion to continue selling their product to you. A product that they know is directly harmful to you and greater society.


Day 42/365 or day 31/31 for Minimalst Game or Day 0/28 for Singing Phoenix Game

What I accomplished today

  • Combining and researching how habits are formed along with frequency [30]
  • Migrating information over to Obsidian [30] Few reasons: 1) Having things hidden inside a database scares me, in the event that something goes wrong I could potentially loose everything. 2) With Obsidian it maintains a human readable format, meaning that in the event that something does go wrong likely only a few files (if any) would be damaged. 3) Coupled with Git Annex, I have a nearly invincible system for protecting against mistakes (both my own and that of the computer).
  • Writing out slide for Techniques and Regularity [24]
  • Consolidating Techniques and Regularity into a single section called Techniques [2]
  • Writing about Positive and Negative Progress [4]
  • Transcribing paper note on Technique and Regularity to digital [20] I find that writing on paper forces a better way of thinking than writing straight to the keyboard, something about a pen and a non digital interface makes me think better, clearer and more creatively.

Minimalist Game

Deleted another Math folder.

I've become more at ease and consistency automatically clean up and put things away now that I have less.

Singing Phoenix

This has gotten to be really cool. Now when I begin getting stressed or anxious, I can begin singing "Cities in the Distance" and it helps to recenter and calm myself down. Why is this effective? Because I'm using a completely different part of my brain. You see my stress is based on my primal side and since really either system can focus on one thing only, if I give myself something else to do the system won't be able to do what it was doing previously.

Now singing for me is quite emotional in that I get my emotions fully fired up and focused on the song, this means that I'm no longer in my default mode network. This is a much better strategy than just writing down the feeling, doing truth and lies (though those are both powerful techniques falling in the "name it and claim it" umbrella). However "name it and claim it" really is a more terminal rationalization and processing when often you just need primal processing and there are sometimes the primal side just gets stuck on ruminating. Proving singing which is something that I enjoy AND helps to focus myself is a double benefit without any of the shame or guilt associated with using an inappropriate behaviour to avoid or shut-up the emotions.

Rebranding Blog

At this point, Sapphire Pack is a deep work consultancy company, however the blog is much more than just deep work it's a discussion about everything and anything and I think that's really beautiful.

So I've just made a minor tweak to the blog's description with the mantra of "Working Deep and Playing Wide".

The idea here is to specialize in one thing and do that as your lively hood, however what you do with your free time should be something completely different, exciting and exhilarating.

Will I do some programming on my free time? Possibly but now I feel less inclined to do it because I realized how rich life is when you become multi dimensional.

Here's a reiteration of how I've become more multi dimensional now that I've stop trying to make my professional interest my life's interest.

1) Cooking
2) Singing
3) Social hanging out
4) Cuddling
5) Sapphire Pack
6) Doing nothing

Ironically, trying to do less with my life (this year especially) means that I've already achieved more this year than I have any other year. Sure previous years I learned how to use message passing between two iframes and that this framework called Phoenix is amazing because of X, Y and Z.

But I now have that switch that I can turn on and off from programming and thinking like a programmer. Now I'm an artist of the food, budding singer (for at least 28 days) and learning that I don't like being a social butterfly.

Over extending myself

I need to remember that I have an amazing trio of friends that I'm extending to a quad core of friends.

I love them all dearly and my biggest regret is not spending more time with them, spending so much time chasing stupid code. If I had 4 years to do over again, I wouldn't change anything before that time, not a single fight with my parents or anyone else. What I would change is to spend more time with each and every one of them. I lost 4 years of spending time with incredible people, chasing myself and focused on the wrong things.

Now if you value your work more than friends and you view your friends as a break from work, I plead you to reconsider. Don't go thru the pain I'm going thru now, the realization that you squandered something truly precious. I would trade all my knowledge on encryption, distributed computing, humane interface design to spend have spent more time with them. I lost 1460 days getting closer to each and every one of them and statistically I only have 22131 days left to live.

Day 41/365 or Day 30/31 for Minimalist Game or Day -0.5/28 for Singing Phoenix Game

What I accomplished today

  • Writing about overindulgence [2 minutes]
  • Opened Buisness Banking Account Paperwork [53]
  • Figuring out data storage solution [45] I've got alot of data that's criticallly important and I want to make sure it's safeguarded but at the same time secure. So native cloud storage as is a bad idea. Storing everything in the WIKI isn't going to work because database's aren't designed to store raw binary blobs then can but performance serverly degrades. I also want my data checksummed and duplicated to prevent failures. I've settled on Git Annex with Two Annex's. One for my Personal Files and one for Sapphire Pack. I'll just worry about Sapphire Pack now.
    • Setting up online banking for Buisness. I've given myself a runway of 1 year of fee's paid for along with the lighting (50$) all other income must come from success. This is a really scary but makes sure that I'm not sinking money into a failing endevor. [15]
    • Scanning the banking notes [5]

Minimalist Challenge

I deleted another school folder. I almost balked because I was worried I was going to use it but after thinking carefully I realized that I most definitely was not.

Singing Phoenix

I got done:

  • Solfege Do, re,mi,fa,so,la,ti,do
  • Ear Practice
  • Tonic is root tone and the stablest. Other sounds will clash providing the necessary tension

Upcoming Operation FeralRR

This is one of the most exciting thing that I'm going to be doing starting March 1st.

Alot of people including myself repress their sexuality or believe that it should only be "active" during very clear units of time and the rest of the time it should be off (like a light switch). I at least liked to believe that I was somehow above it and that it was something that I contained. This mindset of containing and controlling leads to resentment from your sexual side. (This is part of the dividual framework that is we are not made up of just one "part" but actual at least 2 discinct part. They go by many names but for the sake of the rest of this article I'm going to borrow the terms that Mark Queppet used. Primal and Terminal. Primal is what we would associate with the old brain, provides the energy and the sexual drive but not very complex in terms of thoughts. Terminal is quite small compared to primal and provides what we commonly refer to as our "authentic self". Terminal is sorta the driver and the primal side is like a powerful dragon.)

Now this can be a wierd concept to wrap your head around that you aren't just you but are a collection of two parts that work in tandem to keep "you" going.

Now often we have a disfunctional internal relationship, the terminal side is treating the primal side shitty or even worse absent. This is what leads to the "split mind" problem. Where in one moment you swear that you'll never do X and in the next moment you're doing what you swore not ot do. This is because the terminal side can only override the primal side a limitted amount of times (remember the primal side is this giant dragon (just an analogy and as such isn't perfect)). Eventually the dragon's going to say "screw you, you don't care for me I'm going to do it my way". This doesn't mean we should kill the dragon (really don't even try), but rather need to repair our relationship between the two sides just like we would with someone else. Just like with someone else we need our actions more than our words, but words are a really good starting place.

Anyway I'm getting slightly sidetracked, my point is to illustate how we work using one particular schema. Now imagine you've chained up the dragon, right? You're using mental energy to keep that side "locked up". That's tiring. That's what I was doing without realizing.

Now the dragon had a really good idea that would make it happy, instead of saying "no that's stupid, I'm the boss blah blah blah", I said I love that let's do it. Now any time I'm thinking or working on this Operationg FeralRR (I'll release the details starting March 1st, I'm pulling both sexual and "regular" energy from the primal side. This is a much better solution than trying to dam up the sexual energy. Failure to realize this is what partially lead to my second major relapse (which is a story for Monday). This means that I'm utilizing the sexual energy by transmutating it into something else, this is huge and powerful.

End of the story for now, what you should take away:

If you're repressing you're sexual energy, you're going to have a fallout moment when the sexual energy just floods the rest of you, like a overflowing dam.

You need to find an idea way to transmute that sexual energy into something else, this is something that I don't know much about in pratice but had read several times. Now I understand, you need something that both sides can work and utilizes the sexual energy that the primal side is generating (as part of it's job).

If you aren't using or transmutting your sexual energy, you're going to have issues like I and many other people have had.

Day 40/365 or Day 29/31 for Minimalist Game or Day -1/28 for Singing Phoenix Game

What I accomplished today

  • Self Care Benefit Writing [45] Breakthru in explaining and creating an framework.
  • Updating Self care misconceptions [10]
  • Reviewing ARC Framework [10]
  • Extracting information from 100 Things you should know about people [47]
  • Writing about Overindulgence [8]

Minimalist Game

  • Got rid of Stat's folder

Singing Phoenix


Separate sound and combination training for ear using instruments that included the flexatone, cowbell ,bongoes and congas when all playing together.
Same for separating base, electric guitar and drums when all playing together

Better singer if I have more repertoire of instruments.

Semitone is half step up in pitch
Then cents are logarithmic scale between two semi tones.

Day 39/365 or Day 28/31 for Minimalist Game or Day -2/28 for Singing Phoenix Game

What I accomplished today

  • Self care [60]
  • Self care research [60]

Minimalist Game

I got rid of a philosophy school folder.

Singing Phoenix

I got 30 minutes done, got frustrated with a tune singing app, but it's my own lack of skills. [30]

Day 38/365 or Day 27/31 for Minimalist Game or Day -3/28 for Singing Phoenix Game

What I accomplished today

  • Writing script for first deep work session [21] I’m finding that I’ve taken on a caring tone especially for the difficult segments. The closest comparison that I can think of is Adrianne from Yoga with Adrianne. That wasn’t my intention but I don’t know how to provide all the support the student needs without taking on a caring tone. Is this a bad thing? Not at all, being able to show genuine care and empathy to someone you won’t be able to meet requires putting a lot of yourself out there. Sure you can get hurt but making it cold and impersonal doesn’t match who I am.
  • Consolidating module 0 section 1 into Wiki system. [39] This is so all my notes are in a single place AND I’m going to be able to search my notes more effectively than if they were just papers.
  • Researching self care [60] If you need to research, consider using your local University online library system or better yet purchase a subscription. You're research goes thru the roof. Less sifting thru shit and more refining the beautiful researched backed information.

Minimalist Game

I got rid of another computer science school folder.

Singing Phoenix

I spent today's 30 minutes praticing singing on pitch and my throat is raw.

Day 37/365 or Day 26/31 for Minimalist Game or Day -4/28 for Singing Phoenix Game

What I accomplished today

  • Writing Shallow work Presentation [60]
  • Writing Deep work presentation [30]
  • Transcribing part of the shallow work to Wiki [30]

Minimalist Game

I got rid of another computer science school folder.

Singing Phoenix

I spent today's 30 minutes working on trying to find an auto singing to notes converter so I could convert. I managed to get in some pratice but no luck on auto trascription.

Day 36/365 or Day 25/31 for Minimalist Game or Day -5/28 for Singing Phoenix Game

What I accomplished today

  • Planning phase 2 of launching the company [22] This is a 5 week intensive phase focused on reducing unnessary modules by merging them into similar modules while maintaining the depth needed to ensure the student has all the tools needed to succeed.
  • Writing module 0 Introduction [38] Even though each video (except for the deep work ones) will be 15 minutes, I really want to make sure that I'm saying the right things at the right time and not using cliches.
  • Writing mdoule 0 Setting your goal [60]

Minimalist Game

I got rid of screenshots that accumalated on desktop, some downloads and then another old programming project I'm never going to touch again.

Singing Phoenix

I did it, I sang and recorded it. However the first time I did the singing, I was three minutes into it and the michrophone wasn't recording!!! Whoops. I was standing since that gave my lungs the most air and a better posture. However for the first two minutes of the first time and the first 90 seconds of the second my heart was racing and my legs were trembling, it was from worry. I was worried it was going to sound bad.

Guess what? It did. It sounds bad, but not as bad as I expected. What made it sound worse was that the audio got split from the video which I was recording just so I could check if that occured (audio desyncrhonizing from video). I've thought I'd fixed the issue but obviously there is more to fix. When OBS studio works, it works great but when it doesn't it really doesn't.

So aside from the bad singing and off key pitch, the sound alignment is (just partly) do to a software issue,


Day 35/365 or Day 24/31 for Minimalist Game or Day -6/28 for Singing Phoenix Game

What I accomplished today

  • Learning Reveal JS and begining to build my first set of slides. [120] What is really nice is that I get everything I need: Minimalist UI Focus on content Ability to blank screen when having a heart to heart conversation Presentator console so I can see upcoming slides, notes and realtime slide timing (so I can see at a glace if I am on track, behind or ahead). For the future I need to do the folllowing: 1) Write them in markdown 2) Add experimental timing and verified talking points 3) Convert to HTML format 4) Export as a PDF # Minimalist Game 134 files from Statistics. It'll be something that I can easily learn again when needed.

Explaination for Singing Phoenix Game

You must on Feburary 28th record yourself singing a song of your choice. Within the first few days of starting the game you must record a "pre praticed". This will show you a before and after. You do not need to post the before song but are encouraged to do so.

Why? Singing is something that alot of us feel self conscious about. In order to feel that you're living a more fufilling life, doing more types of things is the key.

Singing is such an option. I'll only be for 28 days (how hard can it be?). You must spend 30 minutes each day doing this. You are allowed to miss a few days as long as you make up the next day.

Singing Phoenix Game

I'm going to be singing Cities in the Distance by Aviators.

The song is https://soundoftheaviators.bandcamp.com/track/cities-in-the-distance-feat-nirre.

I am extremely lucky that they have a soundtrack and voice stem seperated meaning that I can try and create a really good covery.

I'll record my pre singing attempt tomorrow.

Day 34/365 or Day 23/31 for Minimalist Game

What I accomplished today

  • Researching how to be camera ready and create good presentations [30] Alright this was the best part of today. I learned alot.

1) I recieved the microphone and set it up.
By itself it sound just much better than the built in microphone with a much richer sound. However that was just the start. I had a few things that I wanted to improve:
1) I wanted to remove all background noise
2) I wanted to boost my voice so it sounds nice and loud without it being TOO much.

Before I could do that I had an issue that I needed to solve:
1) The video and audio got out of sync.
The solution was to set all my input and output devices samping in the operating system to 44.1 KHz and set OBS studio's audio sampling to 44.1 KHz.
Now I could go onto making my illustrius voice sound really professional. What I noticed when listening to my own playback vs a professionals' (like Aviators)[https://soundoftheaviators.bandcamp.com/track/the-cinematic-future-vocal-stem-174-bpm]) was that mine had background noise and silence wasn't actual silence but really quiet static or sounds.

Luckily there are many filters and my problem has been solved before. What I needed was three "transformations" on the audio (well actually four). Here is what I did:
1) Decreased input sensitivity by -18 db
The reason was that my voice was causing my audio meter to go into the yellow and red meter too often.

2) Applyed the background sound filter removal
This removes background sound but is far from perfect which is why we add the next filter.

3) Sound Gate
This is really the center component. This opens up the microphone when a certain sound level is heard and provides a smooth ramp to sound on and sound off of many milliseconds.
I managed to tune it so that my breathing wasn't being picked up nor my typing most of the time.

4) Applied a gain
This boosted my voice by a bit so that I had a professional level of sound.

  • Pratice lecturing using my old teachers lecture notes [30] I learned alot about myself when I was recording. First I tend to try to take it from memory which really leads to these needless contradictions that would serve to confuse students. Secondly I tend to stick out my tongue for a moment when I'm really thinking or troubleshooting. Thirdly I don't look into the camera enough and haven't figured out the ratio between looking at the camera vs slightly off the camera. Finally I need to improve my ennunciation so that I sound clear without sounding like a non humanoid non organic creature.
  • Research goal setting [50] I hit the entityload. I learned the following core information that I'll be applying in my teaching.
    • SDT (Self Determination Theory)
    • ARC (Autonomy, Relationships, Competence)
    • 3 parts of goal settings and doing
    • Types of motivation (Intrinsic and Extrinsic and Amotivational). The really cool is the extrinsic can be divided into 4 distinct categories depending on balance of external vs internal pressure. Ultimately all motivation must come from inside but understanding the source the motivation helps properly tune and choose if you should choose another.
    • University libraries are an often overlooked resource, however whatever you're doing someone has had the idea before you.
  • Open Buisness bank account [10] This was just dropping off the papers for them to look over and to make sure I'm not in fiancial trouble and not using it to hide or launder money. # Minimalist Game I deleted 91 files in Comp 3030.