April 30, 2021•1058 words
First off consider reading Pleasure Activism by Adrienne Maree Brown, you can see my short response by going to https://blog.sapphirepack.org/books-read and going to 'Pleasure Activism'.
At it's core it's reclaiming ourselves fully and know that we can be happy without other's permission. Not just sexually but in so many different shades of happiness. There are arguments that we're loving as a service and not out of real love. That many of us have forgotten to love others and worse, forgotten to love ourselves. This is just a tiny bit of what awaits in the 441 page book.
You deserve to be happy, you deserve to desire your body just as much as you desire other's body.
Can you look in the mirror when you're naked and really love you unconditionally or is there a part that says "You're ugly" or "That part is ugly". Learn to love yourself and you're a lot further along than you would imagine. You can start by just taking pictures of clothed body parts - you don't have to share them with anyone - and study and appreciate and eventually love.
It's something that I'm getting better at, there are times when I look in the mirror and I feel flashes of desire for myself. I want and am working on making those longer and more frequent. I want to be able to look at myself just like I look at my friends and desire myself just as much as I desire spending time with my friends.
Nothing to report, amping up to begin production of moving starting this Saturday and doing week 8 stuff which is pretty basic prepping w/ a binder, inventory and first round of extraneous object ejection protocol (eoep) [fine read donating].
I'm tired but I've managed to get my finacies that I've fallen behind by almost a month fixed and caught back up. Took 2 and a half hour to figure it out, spread across today, yesterday and the day before. Which is way more than if I just did it once per week like I normally do.
If something that you'll looking for when you exit this pandemic is better money management, something that I've worked with since grade 10 or earlier, I would suggest YNAB.org. Unlike Skrooge, KMoney, GNUCash and the countless of other financial planning systems I've used, it gives each dollar a job which makes a massive difference in how you view money. I don't see that I have X dollars in my account, I see that I have money up till month X covered. It's a beautiful way of thinking and one that I'm likely to never back from.
Day 11 of HybridLove
I've continued studying Standardnotes snjs code and begun refactoring how my code is directly architecture.
I'm using what I call 'Cellular Architecture'.
There is one or more 'primary systems' where most state and end/start results occur.
There are a one or more 'services' which act as an interface between a 'primary systems' and a 'secondary system'.
Finally there are one or more 'secondary systems' which provide some manipulation or whatever that is translated via services into something the primary systems understand.
The best and biggest mindset hurtle is thinking in terms of cell signalling instead of direct 'X, Y, Z steps'.
The way that this can exist is using an implementation of a very simple idea called 'inter process communication'. This allows the cell components to send their messages and one or more other cell components to pick up that message and do whatever should be done.
Some of the 'secondary systems' can be swapped out with other 'primary systems' allowing the application to become a large amount of cells that both boast inter and intra cellular communication.
Response to Memory Reponsitory Helping yourself too far into the future
I've done this, the biggest thing that I've figured out for myself is whatever I imagine what is good now or right is likely to change in ways that I didn't expect. That means it doesn't make sense to help myself 10 or 20 years in the future. Furthermore, I'm living in the present and this is really the only time that exists. I can and try to setup some protections to my future selves but the best gift I can give the future self is a good present self that's well rested, stable and ready to do whatever needs to be done.
Now why am I saying future selves? Because maybe something that would hurt myself in 2 years, would benefit myself in 10 years and that benefit would hurt myself in 13 years...
For example the terrible pain that I endure sometimes have given me the ability to show my empathy and pay attention to how I connect and making sure that I connect in a safe and secure way. This isn't bad or good, it's just part of who I am. I've been harmed by this gift, I've had benefits from this gift. It's all relative to my point in time from the event and a whole host of other events interactions.
Furthermore, assuming that there is a linear progression into my future self is flawed. I took a hard veer when I embraced certain parts of me, listened to or decided not to listen to certain people. Each one moves me around in my possible futures, which in turn are intertwined with many other futures, all shifting and shifting.
I can predict maybe what my future self will want but I would be a fool if I presumed that I knew what was best. All I know that is the best is what's happening right now and in the near future.
So consider caring for your future by making sure you're well rested, stable and ready to do whatever needs to be done.
Stable means not just mentally, but physically, housing wise, energy, emotionally, financially, socially. Just like with money, what we can improve on or change is all limited: spending x amount of time improving yourself emotionally means you don't have that same amount of time to spend on improving yourself housing wise or financially. However each has a ripple effect into other areas, like an ever shifting grass of a meadow deep within a forest.