April 25, 2021•513 words
I have a beard and I wear makeup. For around a month I felt like I was lying to myself either I need to wear a beard and No makeup or vice versa. That felt wrong. Then I felt maybe just maybe I really want to be a women, I had some interesting conversations with a CF about how it feels to have breasts. Maybe what I was missing was not having breasts.
That didn't fit, I like curves, both on myself and others but I wasn't feeling like I was missing breasts after all.
A few days ago I thought I wanted to wear makeup and the thought popped into my head that I couldn't because I wore a beard. The decision was 'obvious' I just remove my beard and I can wear makeup right? I didn't like that at all. It took around 2 days to realize that I wanted to wear makeup and wear a beard. Being both and neither felt really really right. Just like wearing camping pants and nets. Both and neither. It felt awesome.
I discovered http://www.pronouns.failedslacker.com/ and I read it using different pronouns and noticing the response I had to different pronouns. Both She/her and he/him made me growl (literally) I don't like them at all and I find them offensive when people continue to use them after I've expressed my preferences.
I was so scared that I was wrong because I couldn't put down in what felt like concrete enough terms what makes me non binary. However after seeing that others responded in the same vague way that I did. It's not vague but because it's a hard feeling to describe it comes off as vague to those who don't experience it themselves.
I don't feel like either a man or a women. I don't look at someone on the street and say 'that's a man just like I am' or 'that's a women just like I am'.
Ashley Wylde had a good video that I just discovered today and really it doesn't feel any different (to quote them) than how you feel about your being binary or non binary.
Finally I want to end this post by urging even if your binary to strongly consider inclusive language such as 'Nibling' instead of 'Niece or Nephew' and 'Folks' instead of Ladies and Gentlemen.
I got the mobile UI fixed for Orcawolf secrets along with changing the logo to the now defunct Project Flame logos.
Project Flame was a failed web operating system concept that culminated in a proof of concept file system, resting encryption and impressive messaging and abstraction services. Most of which I have lost, if you have such a copy please get in touch <3
Project Flame will live on in HybridLove. This means that I'll need to change the product name to either ProjectFlame, FlameEnigmatical or Enigmatical Flame. Likely I'll want to use Project Flame as an overarching suit of things that I contribute to and leave each individual item with something related to flame (or not).